I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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