I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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