whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
