home. puking in laundry basket.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
