Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
