I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
