Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
