I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
