I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
