is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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