You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
