U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this boner is exhausting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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