im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
