I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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