Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
