I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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