he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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