I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
