I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
