I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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