just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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