Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
