you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
