I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
