Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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