i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
