I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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