So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
