mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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