i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
