the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
