i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
