where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
