We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
