One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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