do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
