fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
