Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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