guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
