Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
