Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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