What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
