my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
