I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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