KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
