If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
