I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
