Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
