good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
