??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
