After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
