hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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